That Bittersweet Feeling

Hi everyone,

How are you guys doing? I am a bit in my feelings. The end of my exchange is near and honestly all the emotions are a bit overwhelming. I just finished my last diner and I had to cry. The girls gave a speech for me and gave me a card on which they had all written a nice message for me. I am a sensitive person so when I thanked them I just couldn’t help but cry. 

During the last exchange meeting before we left, our exchange coordinator Ms. Haasnoot and we were kind of joking with each other; she ended a sentence with the words, “when you come back” and then asked, “you are coming back, right?”. We laughed, of course we were. However, now I have decided to stay in Australia. No I am joking but for real, I just don’t want to come back. 

I love living in a boarding-house, I love being a boarder, I love the girls in the boarding-house, I love having a roommate, I love the sunshine, I love the Aussies, I love their fashion style, I love being tanned, I love the nature, I love going on mountain bike rides, I love all the activities, I love Mrs White, I love the teachers at PLC in general, I love the long breaks, I love socializing with new people every day, I love the friendship with Phoebe I have here, I love the fact that I can talk about everything with Phoebe without having to be afraid that people will overhear our silly conversations, I love lamingtons, I love Bondi Beach, I love every beach here, I love the big waves, I love surfing, I love the Sydney Harbour Bridge, I love the Sydney Opera House, I love sitting in the car for a long time and listening to the radio station “Triple J”, I love Alyssa, I love Alyssa’s family, I love the sweet messages you receive while you’re abroad from people home, I love PLC and the thing I may love the most is living in my own save little bubble with only good vibes, zero stress and lots of fun. 

Don’t take this as a sad thing but I haven’t felt so unrestricted since I started my first year of high school. I am truly at peace with myself and my surroundings. My world in Sydney is my world in Sydney, and although I know I am going to tell my family and close friends so much detailed stories about my experience, they will never truly get me. The one who is closest to getting me, is Phoebe and even she will have a different perspective on some events. I think that is the thing I love the most about travelling to a foreign place; it’s like you have a little secret you got to keep with yourself. No one is going to make you change your opinion about your experience because they haven’t been there so how could they know. There will be certain songs and scents that take you back to this moment. That make you relive it. But you could never re-experience your adventure. 

Experiences like this shape you. Being away from everything and everyone makes you think. Think about things you wouldn’t normally think about because there is too much stuff going on; sports, homework, tests, parties, friends, family, etc. You don’t have all those happenings here. It creates space. An escape. And I think that everyone should escape when there is a time and place for them to do that. Get to know yourself without being defined by other people. You will get confronted by some things you wish you could change about yourself and your life back home. Well guess what? You can! I have already made a list of good habits I would like to start. I don’t really feel like putting them all out on the internet but if the “Wow, you’re really independent!” opening sentence didn’t really work, try asking me about my good new habits! (I am sorry, if you haven’t read my boarding-house post, you will not have a clue what I am talking about right now, hahaha!)

Me leaving Australia has a sweet edge to it as well. I’ve missed my family, I’ve missed my friends, I’ve missed the (stupid) inside jokes me and my friends have, I’ve missed hanging out with my friends during the weekends, I’ve missed going to La Lanterna on Friday nights with my family, I’ve missed my teachers (Some of them, I am for real! However, I just found out that one of my teachers thought I was sick the entire time I was on exchange so I think this feeling doesn’t come from both sides, hahaha!), I’ve missed the RLW (a bit, not really but some of my teachers are going to read this so just pretend guys!), I’ve missed the feeling of getting a high grade (everyone has their own taste in drugs, don't we kids?), I’ve missed being able to wear what I want to, I’ve missed playing a lot of tennis, I’ve missed working out at the gym, I’ve missed playing guitar, I’ve missed watching Riverdale with my little sister, I’ve missed riding my bike everywhere, I’ve missed the combination of bitterballen and fries (seriously, if you haven’t tried this already; start dipping your fries in your bitterballen!), I’ve missed sleeping in my own bed. So you see, there is a lot to look out forward to when I come home. However, right now it feels like the things I love here outweigh the the things I’ve missed while I was gone. I am just really, really sad. I tell myself that it isn’t right to feel this way and that I should just be happy with the fact that I got to experience something that was so wonderful that it is so hard to say goodbye to, but honestly I just feel like crying right now. 

Okay well, I think that hereby the end of SEX AND THE SYDNEY has come too. Honestly, it is not only hard to say goodbye to Australia but to this blog as well. This blog was the friend I talked to when I had already talked Phoebe’s ears off for hours or when my mom was too busy to call me in the morning when my brothers and sister were going to school. 

Before I go, I want to add one more thing: Work hard for your goals because before you know it, you are living your best life at the other side of the world! And when life puts you in tough situations, don’t think, “Why me?” but “Try me!”.  And just wait for a while. Sometimes you have to go through some dark periods to end up in heaven. The universe thinks you are strong enough to handle it and in the end you will get rewarded and you will end up with a bunch of bizarre and funny stories as well which will definitely make your friends laugh! (No worries, this last bit wasn’t about my exchange in Australia itself <3)

I love you guys! Thank you for taking the time to read all my blogposts!

With love,

Frederique